003: Could I Break the Norm?
Once I made the decision, it was a lifelong commitment in my mind. Little did I know that this health scare would make me rethink everything.
Breaking Beyond shares stories of those who know life begins when we get past barriers—internal and external. Tune in for personal stories from a solo traveling brown woman defying norms to interviews with dreamers and trailblazers who have broken beyond.
This story is a continuation of my last post, Heightened Senses. Each new post will be a continuation of the previous while simultaneously being a standalone story.
My parents kept me sheltered while growing up. My cousins were my friends. I have a lot of them too. My friends at school were limited to being just that—school friends. I wasn’t allowed to go to my friend’s houses, the mall, any kind of school dance, or events after school hours.
I used strategy though. It was slow and methodical. I built trust where there was none by keeping my grades up and showing general responsibility. They also needed explained the importance of being involved in extracurriculars.
“I need these for my college applications.”
The story about my college applications comes later…
With that strategy, I became involved with the student council. By nature, that required me staying after school and being able to spend time with my friends. Eventually, I ended up taking one of the publicity commissioner roles for the school. The role meant that I would help create communications to promote upcoming events—whether for community service, school events, plays, or dances. I loved being the person that informed others about the goings on of the school. I loved knowing what was coming and helping to plan those events. By my senior year, I joined some of the elected school officers and made the morning announcements over the PA system. It was easily my favorite time of day.
I also love baking. I used to bake a cake for every friend at school on their birthday. It became a tradition. We would meet at the hangout spot, called the Senior Stage, sing, and dig into the cake I made, each of us equipped with our own fork, eating from the same plate. I love making people feel special and loved. Those friends of mine looked forward to their cake each birthday and even made special requests.
I used to dream of becoming a pastry chef.
How cool would it be to make people happy every day with their favorite treats?
One day, I was at an extended family member’s house. We were all hanging out post-dinner, chatting. I was going to be graduating soon and they asked me what I wanted to do after high school. Normal questions for people that age.
I should tell you, in the most stereotypical Indian-American fashion, the cousins in that family all had ambitions of going into healthcare. Each of them is some kind of specialized doctor today.
When my aunt and uncle asked me what I wanted to study and where I wanted to go after high school, I confidently and proudly responded with, “San Francisco Culinary Arts Institute to become a pastry chef.”
I was met with silence, looks of disbelief, confusion, and then uproarious laughter.
Of course, Shailla must be joking.
My parents, brother, and I were not laughing. My aunt, uncle, and cousins slowly caught on and realized they laughed at my dream and immediately took it back, apologizing profusely.
But can that kind of reaction ever really be erased from a child’s memory?
My dad always told me that he didn’t care what I did, as long as I worked hard and loved it. I don’t know any other Indian dad who has said that. He, himself, never went to college. He barely finished high school. School wasn’t his thing. He worked really hard, is naturally smart, and made a good living for himself to provide for his family. He’s one of the hardest working people I know. My mom, on the other hand, just wanted to make sure I was formally educated so I always had a fallback. She went to college in India and did really well for herself upon coming to the US. She’s the strongest person I know.
While I’m glad my dreams of becoming a pastry chef didn’t pan out—I couldn’t imagine waking up at 3am to bake every day—the response I felt that day from the extended family about dreams I had said a lot about the Indian-American culture’s acceptance (or lack thereof) of anything that wasn’t deemed “esteemed.”
Ultimately, I ended up studying business. It was a good catchall since business knowledge would always be relevant. When I took my first business course in undergrad, we had to do a project where each team member took on a C-Suite role. I fell into being VP of Sales and Marketing and as a result of that project, fell in love with the marketing function. It was my publicity commissioner role from high school but with strategy, measurability, and the skillset to make a difference in the world.
I spent almost a decade developing that career and here I was, in my late 20s, questioning it. What would I do if not marketing? I worked for tech startup after tech startup, always being promised that it would be the next big one.
The next unicorn.
That quickly stopped being exciting. I never imagined I would want to explore other careers in my life. Once I decided marketing, it was a lifelong commitment in my mind. Little did I know that this health scare would make me rethink everything.
I had no idea what I was going to do but I knew that whatever I decided would be unacceptable. I could sense that with the way my thoughts were going, my decision would be far removed from what the Indian-American culture could begin to comprehend, let alone accept.
Was I going to let that stop me?
Stay Tuned
My next post will share what I decided to do. How I began thinking differently than I had before. How I challenged cultural norms. How this health scare ultimately changed my life. Get the next story straight to your inbox to find out what I did.
Currently:
Reading: Tough Broad by Caroline Paul
Listening to: The Rich Roll Podcast // The Mindful Body: Harvard’s Dr. Ellen Langer on The Power of Mindfulness, How Thoughts Can Control Health, and using Perspective to Lower Stress
Thinking about: the power, importance, and necessity of being intentional with our attention
OK, Shailla, I'm scooted even further to the edge of my seat than I was last time. My goodness! I'm most moved by the vivid memories of what made you happiest ... the circle of friends sitting on the Senior Stage singing and eating cake out of the same plate. That image has a thousand meanings and is also stunningly beautiful as a scene.
I also love how you used present tense in that section - e.g., not "I loved baking" but "I *love* baking." It shows how what we truly love endures and shows up in everything we do, no matter the context.
Also how you had to strategize your way into having the kind of community and experiences you wanted. Talk about " the power, importance, and necessity of being intentional with our attention." You seem to have always known. Excited for the next chapter!!